You are NOT Your Circumstances

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Stormy at the Sea

Photo: Luis Argerich (Creative Commons) on Flickr®

Life Happens

Each and every day there are negative things that happen to us.  Things that are beyond our control.  Things like:

  • Rain forecasted on the day of a little-league baseball outing
  • Spilling coffee on ourselves during the commute to work
  • A grouchy spouse/friend/co-worker to deal with
  • Traffic delays in reaching your vacation destination
  • A major appliance (stove, washer, or dryer) that stops working
  • Getting a less-than-favorable diagnosis from the doctor

Life isn’t always fair.

While we may not be able to control our circumstances, we can control how we react to them.  And, we can also control what we do about them.

Complaining about things doesn’t make them go away.  And temper-tantrums don’t help either.  Playing the blame game [“It’s his/her fault this happened.”  “If you would have just (fill in the blank) this would have never happened.”] is also a poor choice in dealing with our circumstances.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is bite our tongue, take a deep breath and just deal with it.

I’m a pretty high-strung person.  But I’m slowing working my way into a more take-it-as-it-comes person.  Sure, I make plans and manage projects and tasks as good as the next guy.  But for the crazy stuff that life tosses at me, I’m trying really hard to find a least a little bit of humor in it.  As I’m learning to deal with things, I’m also teaching my two boys to not get so upset about life’s road-bumps.

Just a Drop in the Bucket

Spilling a glass of milk on the kitchen table and floor is not a big deal.  Really.  In the grand scheme of things it is literally NOTHING.  Get a towel and wipe it up.  Laugh about it.  And move on with your day.

When you encounter someone who’s having a ‘bad day’, help them turn their frown upside down.  Make it your mission to cheer them up.  Buy them a cup of coffee.  Share your M&Ms with them.  Be a sounding board and let them vent about whatever is on their mind.  Listening may be all they need to soothe their soul.

…circumstances may be affecting you, even driving you crazy, but they aren’t who you are.  And they don’t determine who you will someday be.  –Success for Teens”

Being stuck in traffic with a car-full of kids can actually be a good thing.  Seriously!  That bumper-to-bumper situation might be a good time to have them pull out the earbuds and actually TALK to one another.   Chat about the drive so far.  What new things have they seen?  What are they the most excited about doing on this year’s vacation?  What family vacation memories can you share with your kids?

The memories will make you smile and will (most-likely) teach your kids something they never knew about your childhood. (It worked like that for me just last week as my family was headed to North Carolina for a week.  I got a warm-and-fuzzy feeling as I recanted vacation trips with my grandparents.)

Receiving bad news from the doctor is different.  I get that.  Yet…with all the wonders of modern medicine, the support of friends and family, and the grace of God, you can get through it.

Focus on the Positive

A co-worker once told me that we should not spend any of our personal energy on negative things like circumstances or worrying about what might happen.  She said our energy should be spent on positive thoughts and events.  It makes sense, doesn’t it?  Simple.  But not easy.  I know.  Yet, it’s certainly something to strive toward.

Your turn:  What circumstances are you facing today?  What positive steps are you taking to work through them?

You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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About the Author

Michael Hawkins

I am a husband, father, writer, and blogger. I am passionate about helping people make good choices.

  • http://sparkvoice.wordpress.com/ DS

    Focusing on the positive will do a lot for a person’s attitude as well as their ability to overcome various life situations.
    I read and watched a great post over at Skip Prichard’s blog on a very similar subject. He interviewed a Rawanda survivor. Awesome, powerful, and really puts all of our little things in perspective.
    http://www.skipprichard.com/immaculee-ilibagiza-and-the-power-of-forgiveness/

    • http://www.themakegoodchoicesproject.org/ Michael Hawkins

      DS – The post over at Skip Prichard’s site is powerful, indeed. Thanks for sharing the link.

      I totally agree with you: if we would all focus on the positive things, our lives (actually the WHOLE WORLD) would be so much better.

  • Lisa R

    Positive–hmm, well, my 15 yo son learned some good civics lessons today that I hope will translate into greater understanding when he actually does take government in our homeschool.

    • http://www.themakegoodchoicesproject.org/ Michael Hawkins

      Learning can take place any time, any where, can’t it? I give you a ton of credit for doing the homeschooling thing. : – )

  • http://denisedilley.blogspot.com/ Denise Dilley

    This is such a great post, Michael! For sure we need to remember our circumstances do not define us. We also need to have a little perspective when it comes to said circumstances. For example, here in my neck of the woods, two really bad storms came through this weekend knocking out the electric for a couple of hours (a couple of days, for some). But what is a couple of hours (or days) compared to those in other countries who don’t even know what electricity is?!

    Similarly, I believe that we need to focus on the positive. In fact, a few weeks ago I decided to take back Mondays (my least favorite day of the week, like most of the world) and find at least one positive thing & blog about it. I call it the “Manic Monday Challenge.” :) Here is this weeks post: http://denisedilley.blogspot.com/2012/07/holy-hail.html

    • http://www.themakegoodchoicesproject.org/ Michael Hawkins

      Denise – Agreed: we get so wrapped up (spoiled) with all we have. Electricity, technology. We just can’t seem to get enough. But it wasn’t that long ago that we didn’t have all that techo-stuff. And we seemed to do just fine.

      We need to step back from time-to-time and appreciate what we DO have.

      Congratulations on taking the brave step to face Mondays. I read your post with a smile. It IS the little things, isn’t it?

      Mondays really aren’t that much different than Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday for me. Although…I tend to like Friday very much. : – )

  • http://twitter.com/tightenthebelt Pete

    “Destiny is not a matter of chance, it’s a matter of choice.” The world is not happening to us, we are fully in charge of how we react to a given set of opportunities each day. Nice post Mike.

    • http://www.themakegoodchoicesproject.org/ Michael Hawkins

      Indeed: we ARE in charge of how we react. Thanks for the kind words.

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